Right now at this point of my life, I’m feeling really down and i guess its normal. I already felt this way even before i came back to the hostel and i got even more emotional when i talked to my father just now. I just realized how fortunate and how loved I am by my father and it just came back to my mind now on how foolish i was to fight with my dad a last year, even the thought of it breaks my heart greatly. I think I’m really missing my dad really badly and naturally tears are rolling down my cheek that is full of pimples… man… i think i need tissues…
After talking my dad, i feel so stupid about myself telling to others how unsupportive my parents are when my dad just supported me in whatever i just said about my dreams. This time when i talked to him about it, he just told me that i should just try things out because market would change in future. Because of my dad, i start to realize that even though things may never seem to work out but i guess one day it will. Although i have my dreams lay ahead of me but still when i heard my dad talking about his dreams of us expanding his business, you know i have this urge of saying… “yes! daddy i would do it for you” My dad has given us so much supportive and has improved himself so much that i can tell the whole world that even if my dad is not educated and he is a hawker, I am super proud of my dad!! He is the man i respect most in this world and that any thing bad that i say about him is just in the moments of anger. Of course not forgetting my mum because she equally care as well.
Through that conversation, i finally understand why i do so much to score well and that is because i want to make my parents and myself proud and i want my dad and I to know that we have achieved something great that he can tell his son how well he is doing. I used to hate him for doing that when he boost to his customers about me but i guess, i’m loving it now and the reason why he is doing it is because he is proud of me. I guess when Pehyu said about me as a relationship person i guess he is right and that is the reason why i would be crying as i write this post. The conversation i had was something that really help me pushed all the sadness and worries out because i know that my parents are there to give me a push. These people who are my family are amazing people that made me who i want to become today and lucky for this Shanghai trip, it made me realize all the hidden love that i have for them. It may sound a little mushy but I’m serious about that. They are one of the reason why i continue to stay strong as a person, as a brother and as a son. Shit made me think of my brother… i haven’t talk to him for a long time and i remembered that he wanted to talk to me a lot… shit… why i am so emo today, any thoughts of my family just make me want to tear… man… i’m such a pussy… Alright i guess I’m meeting them this friday to give them extra big hugs so WIPE ALL THOSE TEARS OFF MY FACE MELVIN THE STUPID GAY!!
Just now as i was walking back, i realize something that really strike me hard on my head that made me a little sad. Sometimes even when dreams lay beyond me, it still make me feel sad that sometimes it is really hard to find someone to really like the same thing i’m doing not even the best of friends because everyone have their own priorities and love for something that sometimes i just cannot force them to like what i like just because i want to get to my dream. I think that perhaps sometimes it is just very normal for that to happen where there is a conflict of interest and that even friends will have to think of ways to work together to achieve goals. I guess sometimes fate is really needed to help make dreams come true. I want my dream to realize so much that I have been finding people all around me to do with me a production but sometimes it really gets really tough for dreams to realize to become true.
After being clear about that, I guess even my tears are also cleared so i think i will head off to bed soon because i am pretty exhausted after all those tearing and now my eyes are about to close already:P Anyways if anyone is reading this till this part of my post, i really thank you with all that i can thank you for listening to me because to me it matters more than anything else. Sorry if i wasted your time reading this:P Anyways Thank you if you read!:D
Signing Off,
MIAOVIN:D
