To me, life is always filled with challenges and it is always about overcoming this challenges.
Right now at this point of my life, I’m feeling really down and i guess its normal. I already felt this way even before i came back to the hostel and i got even more emotional when i talked to my father just now. I just realized how fortunate and how loved I am by my father and it just came back to my mind now on how foolish i was to fight with my dad a last year, even the thought of it breaks my heart greatly. I think I’m really missing my dad really badly and naturally tears are rolling down my cheek that is full of pimples… man… i think i need tissues…
After talking my dad, i feel so stupid about myself telling to others how unsupportive my parents are when my dad just supported me in whatever i just said about my dreams. This time when i talked to him about it, he just told me that i should just try things out because market would change in future. Because of my dad, i start to realize that even though things may never seem to work out but i guess one day it will. Although i have my dreams lay ahead of me but still when i heard my dad talking about his dreams of us expanding his business, you know i have this urge of saying… “yes! daddy i would do it for you” My dad has given us so much supportive and has improved himself so much that i can tell the whole world that even if my dad is not educated and he is a hawker, I am super proud of my dad!! He is the man i respect most in this world and that any thing bad that i say about him is just in the moments of anger. Of course not forgetting my mum because she equally care as well.
Through that conversation, i finally understand why i do so much to score well and that is because i want to make my parents and myself proud and i want my dad and I to know that we have achieved something great that he can tell his son how well he is doing. I used to hate him for doing that when he boost to his customers about me but i guess, i’m loving it now and the reason why he is doing it is because he is proud of me. I guess when Pehyu said about me as a relationship person i guess he is right and that is the reason why i would be crying as i write this post. The conversation i had was something that really help me pushed all the sadness and worries out because i know that my parents are there to give me a push. These people who are my family are amazing people that made me who i want to become today and lucky for this Shanghai trip, it made me realize all the hidden love that i have for them. It may sound a little mushy but I’m serious about that. They are one of the reason why i continue to stay strong as a person, as a brother and as a son. Shit made me think of my brother… i haven’t talk to him for a long time and i remembered that he wanted to talk to me a lot… shit… why i am so emo today, any thoughts of my family just make me want to tear… man… i’m such a pussy… Alright i guess I’m meeting them this friday to give them extra big hugs so WIPE ALL THOSE TEARS OFF MY FACE MELVIN THE STUPID GAY!!
Just now as i was walking back, i realize something that really strike me hard on my head that made me a little sad. Sometimes even when dreams lay beyond me, it still make me feel sad that sometimes it is really hard to find someone to really like the same thing i’m doing not even the best of friends because everyone have their own priorities and love for something that sometimes i just cannot force them to like what i like just because i want to get to my dream. I think that perhaps sometimes it is just very normal for that to happen where there is a conflict of interest and that even friends will have to think of ways to work together to achieve goals. I guess sometimes fate is really needed to help make dreams come true. I want my dream to realize so much that I have been finding people all around me to do with me a production but sometimes it really gets really tough for dreams to realize to become true.
After being clear about that, I guess even my tears are also cleared so i think i will head off to bed soon because i am pretty exhausted after all those tearing and now my eyes are about to close already:P Anyways if anyone is reading this till this part of my post, i really thank you with all that i can thank you for listening to me because to me it matters more than anything else. Sorry if i wasted your time reading this:P Anyways Thank you if you read!:D
Signing Off,
MIAOVIN:D
At this very moment as i type my heartfelt words, i really doubt my own capabilities and intelligence. I start to wonder if it is because I’m studying something that i don’t understand and that is why I’m having so much difficulty in doing projects or is it because I just take too little effort in whatever I do. When that became an obstacle to me, i start to scold and blame myself for being dumb and retarded and lazy because it just strike my mind that it could be just because I don’t put in effort. Honestly, at this point in time i hate myself to the extreme maximum and feel that I’m just trash to this society and my group.
I really want to be someone who can really be good at something and not someone who cannot give ideas and can only say “uhm… uhm” to everything others say. There are many people out there who can do way much better than me even though they are bad at something and i realize that it is because they are hardworking and they are very willing to learn. If they can then it means that I can too and i just got to find out the problem that exist within and change the way I do things to rectify the situation now sot that I can still excel in whatever i do.
I can do it but it is just the way that I’m doing that is not working. I don’t want to leave a life being an idiot or a dumbass in my class or in the groups that I’m working in. I hate this feeling and I’m going to learn from this experience and work even harder!! I want to change people’s impression of me being an slacker and a incapable worker, but i will start with myself by changing the way that I am doing things!!
I’m going to put in extra effort from now on and give to my very best in whatever i do and compete to challenge my limits!! If there is a will, there is a way!:D
Signing off,
MIAOVIN:D
An acrobatic show reminded me about something that I had kind of
forgotten ever since I step into polytechnic.
Ever since I took drama as an O level subject, it changed my life
totally and it made me want to do a lot of things and be somebody that
I can ever dream of. Acting and performing is always something that I
loved and because of that acrobatic show today it just made me
appreciate my drama lessons that I went through with miss dawn wong, a
teacher that I always looked up to.
In the past, every stage production I watched is how every inspiration
of mine came about and up till today I can still remember it clearly
as of how I told myself a few years back.
Firstly, I want to be a performer in any of the stage productions.
Secondly, in future I will want to bring my girlfriend to watch a
stage production with me.
Third, I want to go back to Peirce and teach as a relief teacher for
drama.
Fourth, i want to be able to speak as well as all of them.
These were the 4 things that I told myself that made me who I am
today. For instance, hoping to be a performer one day actually made me
a performer in my everday life. It naturally became part of me and I
realize that all these started because of my first stage production I
was involved in primary 4. I remeber that was the year that I actually
played a role of a sheep:P Anyways another one was my desire to be
able to speak well as all of the performers up there. Ever since I had
that desire, I always try my best to speak to the best that I can and
I guess that is how people would come up telling me that I don’t sound
like one who would score C6 for English:P
Anyways all I think I’m trying to say is that up to date i’m very
grateful for being Melvin because i realize that in life there is so
much that I love doing and that if I’m given a lifetime to do
everything I love so much I would lay in my deathbed smiling leavin
this world with happiness.
Today was suppose to be a day when I should be focusing on my bstats and by right I am suppose to finish 4 chapters today but… I only did 1:( I totally wasted my day and this made me feel I’m not going to score well for this finals because for FMS I also didn’t revise much and now I’m still left with plenty of chapters to finish:(
I’m just not productive… Again back to the same question… What was not working today that made me finish 1 chapters instead of 4? What is it that I can do tomorrow to make sure that I can finish plenty even with the given time?
These are the 2 major questions that I have to think about it and that I only have like 1 night to think about before I wake up tomorrow:P
Thinking… Thinking hard…
OKAY! Got it! Tomorrow what I will do is that in the morning I will wake up and immediately plan what time to study for what and by what time must finish which chapter and I will time myself to make sure that I finish the given time. I also realize that I can’t think when I feel sticky so tomorrow I will increase my frequency of showering so that I will feel good all day long as I study:)
Alright it’s getting late, to do what I have just said I will need some energy so off to bed now!!:)
Signing off
MIAOVIN!:D
Hahah now im back onto my own blog. Thanks to Jason, I finally realize the existence of my blog and now I’m back onto it. Life is as tiring as anything but still im enjoying my time as i make small little videos to relax. Now I’m actually in the midst of doing another Video for my senior’s Final Year Project and it is a both a challenge and an excitement. Alright I’m lazy to continue typing so i will just post my video on this post and…
RATE, COMMENT, AND GIVE ME FEEDBACKS SO THAT I CAN IMRPOVE:D
Now its seriously time for me to gather all my energy and focus all of it onto macroeconomics and business statistics. It may sounds simple… open book for BSTATS… MCQ and TRUE FALSE questions for MAEC but… I guess Complacency is one a deadly thing that i scared i would fall for it.
Up to this point in time when i’m still here typing my posts, i realize how much of a bad position I am in now when I haven’t even start on my revision for my common tests. Sometimes its just kind of hard to start the engine and get myself to start studying. I guess later i will force myself to do it and hopefully get so into “studying” that i can even forget to sleep.
Talking about sleep… i realize that i haven’t been sleeping early for a long time. If i were to recall, the earliest i normally sleep nowadays is like 1am in the morning and the latest i sleep is at 4am in the morning. It’s no big deal of course but I have no idea why i cant sleep early most of the time. Perhaps because of studies? projects?
Anyways today LMS presentation was great but it brought me to realize that sometimes different people do their stuff differently and thats why you will see people having different contents and sometimes even good contents. So i guess sometimes, this is how tutors can easily distinguish an A grade student and a B grade student.
Alright, I’m getting a little lazy to continue typing down so i guess i will quickly get back to my MAEC and start getting engrossed in my studying:D
Till next time!
MIAOVIN:D
Signing off
I’m starting to feel the stress now… the lack of time to study… the lack of time to sleep… the lack of leisure time…
I wonder if I am really mentally and physically exhausted… Last night i was intending to complete my LMS assignment when i doze of on the bed… when my mum woke me up to clear my stuff, I kinda woke up sub consciously and now that i recall… I realize that at the moment in time, i woke up crying with bitterness from and I am not sure if that was because of the stress that I am going through now.
Sometimes i really question myself, WHY THE HELL AM I INVOLVED IN SO MANY THINGS AND MAKING MYSELF SO EXHAUSTED and deep down inside me i know that i was the one chose to go through a tough path like this. I guess I am one that do not want to just get things over and done with but i want to make a difference and impact in whatever i do and i guess that is why I am in all these mess.
I remember the time when i first step into Ngee Ann to study, I actually told myself that after 3 years when i leave this school… I am going to be good at studies, CCA and I will be one that once made a difference in ngee ann even though i have a part time job.
There are many instances where i really told myself that i really love my life and it is not because there is peace and harmony in this world but because I have many problems in my life that forms as a challenge to me. THAT IS WHAT MAKE MY LIFE INTERESTING:D Since i chose this path, i will make the best out of it and prove to myself that nothing is impossible! It is so easy and simple to say that “i will make the best out of it” but now that i am undergoing the process, it is horrible and it really require a whole lot of perseverance
It is just starting and I am already feeling exhausted, i think i really have to start managing my time better and continue hanging there…
anyways, i will quickly find time to do up the FINEX video and Pehyu’s birthday video and very soon it will be up on my blog again:D
Alright, I guess its time i have to go back and do my work:P
Signing off,
MIAOVIN:D
As every single day past me by… I just do not know why but inferiority has always been filling me up. I love making videos but at the same time… I would also want to make videos that would be different and unique.
Having this kind of thoughts… sometimes i just feel that I just have to go with my passion and not be so bothered with the results… It is true that I have to be clear of what kind of results I want to achieve but when it comes to something that i enjoy doing i guess ultimately the results at the end doesn’t really matter that much… it is the process.
If i go deeper… I personally feel that there are actually 2 kind of learners… one kind is that they achieve to do something best out of it and would just go all means to learn that particular thing and not enjoying it… and for these kind… their aim is to impress others. Another kind is actually the kind that just does thing for the passion and naturally… this piece of passion actually is the one that make them want to strive on to do the best out of it however this kind also wants to impress people and gain recognition but they do not focus so much on the fame or the recognition that they will get… but the sense of the satisfaction that they will get out of the whole process.
For me, I aim to be the second kind… to love something and doing it because i love it and that is what i hope would happen in my course of study in BFS as well and not only in filming. I want to get through my course loving it and enjoying… Like what people always say… its difficult to do something you are passionate about in the reality world… you bring passion into what you are doing and love it… and when that happens… I will be surprised to find that the results i get would be lovely:P
I guess all my life, this has been revolving around me and that it will always be part of me and i will never be able to get it out. That is why all day long… I am always blogging about inferiority. This is also the thing that is constantly affecting my performance in my work and that is really bad because if i don manage this inferiority well… I know that one day it will affect my friendship with my close friends;(
So from now on… what i have to do is to follow my heart and have confidence in myself. JUST DO IT and who knows… everything will turn out better than expected.
So for my first time being an event videographer and emcee tomorrow, i just have to give myself some confidence and faith that i would do just fine!
Hope I am not boring anyone with content like this:P
Anyways, just want to say that skit rehearsal today was great man and i cant stop thinking about it;D Amazing group of people comes with amazing experience:D
Alrighty! Time to go off and prepare my day tomorrow!:D TATA!
Signing off,
MIAOVIN:D
Once again… Uneasiness lurks within me… It is like I feel uneasy all over but I just dunno what is the exact event that caused so much uneasiness within me… I guess its the way I am doing things is making me so troubled and uneasy. Whenever tasks are given to me or when I am suppose to do something… I just procrastinate and all these really led to many consequences.
This is not the first time I am talking about my uneasiness and in fact I mentioned it for countless of times and it is all because of the same problem… Now its time to hit on the problem… During PVC (Project Vibrant Colours), I said that I would take some actions to stop all these but I have not been responsible for what i have said.
Firstly, I would take down all the things that i have to do in my notebook that i have. Secondly, i would reply or send sms immediately instead of telling myself “wait” because that is what causing the problem and what really caused all these procrastination is because at that point of time… I AM JUST BEING A COWARD AND I AM WILLING TO FACE ALL THOSE!
It is time to put an end to this because it is doing me no good… Its now or never… Now that I created a mess… It is time I pluck out my courage and face the music! I GOTTA MEAN WHAT I SAY OR ELSE I AM JUST A PERSON WHO IS JUST NOT WORTHY OR TRUST FROM OTHERS!
All right… Out of this topic… Today again inferiority hit me hard on the head again and it all started because of the peer pressure that I am getting from my friends surrounding me. Due to these pressure that I felt just now… the negativeness in me took an advantage of this situation and i started thinking about how lousy and useless I am but thanks to Pehyu and Leon… I came to my senses that sometimes I do have what I am good at… As a person, I like making people smile and I enjoy making around me smile because that just makes up melvin… As a student, I love making videos and I can put it into good use when I am doing project.
There are so many things that i can appreciate about myself and sometimes even when I feel that others are better than me… that is what i feel and i will continue to feel that way if i never ever choose to take a step out of my comfort zone and share with others what are the ideas i really have in my mind. Even if people were to laugh and criticize my ideas to be stupid… at least i tried to bring my ideas and that is what matters more than what people will think about my idea… After talking so much… at the end it still boils down to the challenge of getting myself to step out of comfort zone.
Anyways, follow up on my previous post. I have been speaking to my parents in a nicer tone today and I did not scold or be rude today. I will continue to be conscious on how I communicate with my parents:D More updates on my next posts.
Gotta sleep soon… Have a meeting tomorrow at 10am:D Goodnites everyone!:D
MIAOVIN:D
Signing off
